After Rhodes died, Joe and I felt that the past 8 months our prayers had been unheard. Where was God when Rhodes’ heart stop beating? Had he been ignoring our sweet requests for a healthy child?!? We had numerous doctors appointments that confirmed we had a growing healthy child but in an instant his heart had just stopped. No explanation. Just stopped.
It took time and sometimes we still fall short but I know God heard and is continuing to listen to our prayers…
December was hard for me. It was December when I realized how angry I was with God. I felt so abandoned. Since losing Rhodes, I made a daily attempt to be thankful. Thankful for something…anything. But it was in the first couple of weeks in December that I was plain mad and felt like God wasn’t listening. I realized my faith in God’s plan for Joe and I was diminishing and I wondered if he had just forgotten about us. I continued to pray.
One Monday afternoon, while pumping gas an older man walked up to me and said, “Hey, there. Do you have any kids because I would like to give you a car.”
*note: if I’m ever asked if I have any children, I say “yes” and proceed to change the subject.*
Since this gentleman wanted to give me a car for my child and Rhodes has zero use for anything tangible, I smiled and said “no, sir.”
He walked away.
I took a deep breath, thankful he walked away.
The sweet man walked back up to me and said “Are you sure there isn’t a little boy in your family that would enjoy a car?”
With a very hesitant smile, I said, “I have a 2 year old nephew.”
“Great!” Ol’ stranger man said…”let me pull up my car.”
At this moment it was clear to me, I may be getting stolen…
The gentleman pulls his car up to mine and pops his trunk. He pulls from a sack a small wooden car.
Sweetest wooden car you have ever seen. A handcrafted light tan car with dark brown wooden wheels. So sweet. Perfect for a little boy. Would have been perfect for Rhodes.
I flipped the car over and underneath it was stamped, “God Loves You.”
With watery eyes, I told him how thankful I was for this precious car.
I couldn’t wait to show Joe.
That Thursday, we took an at home pregnancy test and with utter shock read, “you’re pregnant.”
The next Monday at counseling, I shared the car story with our counselor. Because Joe has had significant dreams since we lost Rhodes, Dr. Corr asked Joe if he had, had any recent dreams. So Joe shared what he thought was an unimportant dream.
His dream was about playing high school football. He had his pads and jersey on but couldn’t find his helmet.
That’s the dream. The end. No significance, right!?!
Dr. Corr said, “seems like your heart is protected but your head, your mind, isn’t. Is there something on your mind? Because your heart is okay but your mind is unsure. What’s on your mind?”
Joe was about to fall out of his seat when Dr. Corr asked and Joe was elated to be able to tell him that we had just learned we were pregnant.
After the hugs, Dr. Corr explained how it is difficult for Joe’s mind to comprehend our current pregnancy because after extensive testing, there is not a medical reason why Rhodes died. Joe’s mind is nervous, anxious, overwhelmed about being pregnant again but his heart…his heart is ready. His heart is elated.
Dr. Corr wanted to go back to my story at the gas station.
He asked, “when did you get this car?”
Me – Last Monday.
Dr. – Okay, so Monday you weren’t aware you were pregnant. What is significant about that day? Besides receiving the car…what does Monday mean for you?
Without hesitation, I shared how difficult Monday’s are. We found out Rhodes had no heartbeat on a Monday. Monday’s are hard. But Rhodes was born on a Monday so I try not to dwell on my heartache but remember my blessings. But it is difficult. Monday’s are usually empty.
Dr. – And this stranger gave you a car? Not a tractor, plane, or a dinosaur…a car!?!
Me – Correct, a little car.
Dr. – Hmm, and another term for a car is an automobile.
Me – (completely confused) Yes, of course.
Dr. – So, let’s break it down….automobile. “Auto” means self and “mobile” means to travel, to carry. Hallie, you are carrying your child and wrapped around that is stamped, “God loves you.”
I was speechless.
Dr. Corr proceeded, “before you knew you were pregnant God had given you not only a sign but an object to let you know, you all are going to be okay.”
God is so good.
Our first doctor appointment to see “BJ2” (baby jackson #2) was on Dec. 28th, the day Joe and I learned we were pregnant with Rhodes.
At that an appointment, we learned our second child’s due date is August 22nd…Rhodes’ due date was August 22nd. We were in shock.
We don’t feel like BJ2’s story is coincidental. It can’t be. It’s an answer to our prayers. God has never abandoned us. Yes, He knew Rhodes’ heart was going to stop. As heartbreaking as it is not experiencing life with Rhodes on my hip, I know it is God’s will.
We know there have been countless numbers of prayers said for our sweet family. We thank you. Please continue to pray for us through the next 4 months (BJ2 will arrive between 36-37 gestational weeks). Pray for a healthy child with a strong heart. Pray that our fear never outweighs our joy. And pray that we never lose sight that God loves us.
Our prayers have been answered.
We continue to be thankful,
Joe and Hal
rhodesedward 